In my last guide I shared the essential skill of gauging a woman's interest level by observing her specific actions. If you haven't read it yet, make sure to do so, as it, along with this guide, are the two core concepts to understand why women choose and stay with one man over another. Today we're going to dig deeper into the Inner strength traits IST's that cause her interest level to go up, and lack thereof which makes her interest go down.
You see, women aren't nearly as mysterious as they seem, and actually follow a sequential and predictable pattern when it comes to chemistry and attraction.
Let’s begin by addressing the little skeptical (ego fueled) voice in the back of many men’s heads that works tirelessly in the fight for perceived morals and justice. To keep it simple, from here on I’m going to refer to that voice as “Todd” because, Todd. I’m guessing that many of you that are reading this have progressive viewpoints, and that’s fine by me. Just realize that on any end of the political belief spectrum there are traps, and falsehoods, which I believe limit our understanding of the world around us. I consider myself progressive, and admittedly I’ve been Todd many times before as well. You’ll find lots of Todds on Reddit. They’re angry. They’re lonely. They lash out because life isn’t going the way they think it should. Further proof that when one goes against reality, it causes pain. So without further ado, let’s go ahead and get your first potential eye rolling back into your heads out of the way, and hopefully throughout this process you’ll gain a new perspective on a well established, highly debated term. The “A” Word. Alpha. As in Alpha Male. “Chad.” Yes, yes. Disregarded by many. Sought after by many. The term brings with it a lot of controversy. TODD: “People nowadays don’t believe in that Alpha bullshit. It’s been proven, by that one guy, with the wolves… It isn’t true! ARRGGGGHHH!!!” (Thought I’d add some extra emotion to Todd for effect) The core problem, as I see it, is that Muscle Man On The Beach Kicking Sand In Some Nerd’s Face ™ has misconstrued our perception of a much, much more nuanced phenomenon. You can believe what you want, about wolves, monkeys, Jordan Peterson’s lobsters, or any other creatures on this earth, but the evidence is overwhelming that women (or the female animals) romantically gravitate towards men (or the male animals) that exhibit certain physical and more importantly non-physical strength traits. Therefore, the Macho Man bully that continually needs to outwardly assert his dominance over others, is in reality, weak minded, and lacking key social abilities such as self control and empathy. The bully will inevitably be outmaneuvered by someone who possesses the more nuanced social hierarchy skills to be covered shortly. If you just can’t get past the term “Alpha,” feel free to call them “Preferred” males, as it carries a similar significance. We want to be preferred over other men, by sexy beautiful women. Right? Therefore, allow me to present the ingredients for creating and maintaining a woman’s attraction. These seven categories below define a man’s true measure as a mate. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Many of them shouldn’t be a surprise, and therefore I’ll spend the least time there, but it’s one in particular that causes the vast majority of confusion, and you’ll soon learn exactly what that is. I can not emphasize enough how much more important these qualities are to a woman’s interest than the physical. The more “strength” you have in each, the more success you’ll have with women and with keeping them interested. Let's start with: 1. AMBITION Ambition is the core value to increasing your overall value as a mate. Why? Because without ambition, you're stuck with the same set of circumstances, and let's face it, most of us are not someone that's going to have girls lined up outside beating down our doors wanting to go on dates with us. Whether you're simply average looking, shorter than most, from a poor family, a bit mental… All of us have something to work on to be more appealing, and the good news is you're here reading this, so you’ve already displayed some degree of ambition to want to get better! Ambition is where you want to be, whether that be professionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, or with women. You don't have to have Arnold Swarzenneger or Elon Musk ambition. Just have your own style, take care of yourself, and have a purpose. Be growth minded, and always work to improve any aspect of your life that you can. Ambition can manifest in various areas of life and lead individuals to pursue personal or professional goals. Examples include:
LACK OF AMBITION This is a hard one for me, because I don’t understand why anyone would ever want to be the same and never get better at anything. It’s like the famous character “Red” quote in Shawshank Redemption, “I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living, or get busy dying.” To me, if I’m not growing as a person in some way, shape, or form - I’m dying. Food for thought… General laziness and apathy would be another flip side to ambition. Neither of these qualities do well to get her feelings motor running. And why would they? But good news! Remember you’ve already proven you have the minimum required motivation just by reading this guide. It’s all gravy from here. Well… not quite. But you can absolutely do it work for it, just like with anything else. 2. COURAGE Many of my clients are understandably confused by how to gain confidence with dating. How does one gain confidence, when they don’t have it to begin with? And what the hell does “Fake it 'til you make it” look like in practice? Do you sometimes just feel… stuck? You want to get better, but you don’t know where to start, or worse have had traumatic experiences when you did try? DEFINING THE PROBLEM There was a period in my life where I didn’t have confidence with women either. As time went on, I realized that if something was ever to happen with the girls I wanted, it was going have to be me that initiated, because they certainly weren’t making the first move. The dreaded first move. Imagine for a moment approaching your dream girl with romantic intentions. You’re standing face to face with her and she’s waiting for you to speak. How does it feel? If you’re like ninety percent of men, my previous self included, you don’t know whether to run, pass out, vomit, or all of the above! What if she says “no?” What if you say something stupid? What if she laughs at you? What if it’s awkward afterward? What if she tells all her friends? Your friends!?!? What if, what if, what if… While these dreadful questions seem perfectly logical, they’re actually driven by our primitive fears, by our insecurities, and of the unknown. Outright rejection is scary, because if and when it happens it immediately crushes your self-esteem and makes you feel like you’re a worthless P.O.S. So while our conscious mind is saying “This is stupid, just ask her out dummy,” our feelings of dread are compelling us to wait, that it’s not safe, and not to act. So we wait. And wait. And wait. And then we miss our window of opportunity, and end up wasting an inordinate amount of time trying to rationalize why we just didn’t take a chance. She ends up dating someone else, or moves, or we move. Life happens. THE SOLUTION, IS COURAGE You know, courage, that thing that’s hard to do but often worth the risk when you can muster it. Courage has a key distinction from confidence. While confidence means to trust yourself and abilities, courage specifically refers to overcoming something that frightens you. So to obtain confidence, you often have to first exhibit courage. But what if you don’t have that either?!? Relax. There are different levels of courage. Sometimes, it takes just a little courage, like talking to a random girl online. Sometimes, it takes a helluva lot of courage, like asking your crush out in person. The more that’s at stake, the more difficult the perceived odds, and the more perceived danger, the more courage that’s required. We will from now on refer to this as “Courage Quotient” or CQ. Low Courage Quotient
Moderate Courage Quotient
High Courage Quotient
With courage, comes experience. With positive experience comes confidence. Courage doesn’t just apply to dating either. Anything you have to overcome any small or large obstacle that frightens you is courageous. Change is courageous. You have a choice: act, or don’t. It’s a binary decision. You don’t act and your situation won’t get any better. You do act and there’s a chance you’ll experience something magnificent. So, guaranteed failure through inaction, or potential for success with action. Which sounds better? And don’t think for a moment you’ll breeze through all these courage checkpoints… Nope. The more you built it up, the worse it will be, for a while. Anxiety attacks, longing, depression, embarrassment, shame, anger, were frequent sensations for me as I pushed myself to be braver. But you know what? Over time I learned that none of that stuff was going to kill me and it indeed made me stronger. You’ll learn what works and what doesn’t. You’ll learn that they aren’t going to claw your eyes out. Heck, most of the time they avoid out right rejecting you anyway and instead their lack of enthusiasm will be enough to give you your answer... You’ll learn that there really wasn’t anything to fear, because you’re growth minded, and driven. The crippling sensations that had held you back continually diminish over time. You’ll learn to get the most value from the smallest amount of courage invested.
LACK OF COURAGE 3. CONFIDENCE Confidence is thankfully one preferred quality that nearly everyone can agree is desirable. Confidence is trust in your abilities:
...and so much more. True confidence comes from two things. The first is self-improvement, meaning mind, body, social skills, style, etc. The second is repetition, making mistakes, and learning from those mistakes. If you don’t have much confidence, you either don’t know or fully understand what your strengths are, or you don’t have the experience to be comfortable in a given situation. Success through repetition is the key to gaining confidence. Confidence traits include:
BODY LANGUAGE In reference to interactions with women: “It has little to nothing to do with what you’re saying. It has everything to do with body, expression, emotion, and movement… Words are the side effect. Sex is the side effect. The game is emotions, emotions through movement.” - Mark Manson, Models. The vast majority of all communication is non-verbal. With our complex human language being only tens of thousands of years old at most, and with human existence being hundreds of thousands of years old at least, we, along with all other animals, do most of our communicating with body language. Therefore a confident male stands up straight, with head up, smiling at those around him. VOICE TONE AND CONTROL I remember what it was like… The lump in the throat. The fear of saying something incredibly stupid. Looking back, I also remember how idiotic it was to build it up so much. Sure, it’s a hell of a lot easier to approach women when you’ve done it successfully multiple times. The analogy that always comes to mind when I talk about getting over the fear of approaching women is swim lessons as a kid. There was always that one kid (me), the one standing on the side of the pool thinking about jumping in. And what happens? The longer they stand there, the more fretful they become. And they stand there, and stand there, and stand there… And then everyone notices that they are standing there, and it gets even worse! The same goes for approaching women. The more you build it up, the worse it’s going to be. You’ll be amazed at how much more comfortable you get after several months of talking regularly to all sorts of women, in a wide variety of situations. The main point is to be able to first talk confidently, and then once you get better, try to mix in some playful banter. MENTAL TOUGHNESS I can’t remember who coined it, but the saying goes, “Fail fast, learn fast, succeed sooner.” Coming from someone who wasted quite a bit of time in a delusional state regarding women among other things growing up, please don’t wait. Get the reps in sooner than later and you’ll begin building your mental toughness for the given situation. By the way, the real reason women want a man with a sense of humor is that it shows his ability to think on his feet, and to be adaptable in a given situation. 4. CHARISMA Even though our language ability has blossomed over 1000's of years, most communication is still non-verbal. Charisma is knowing how to get a reaction from them, and accessing their reaction to know how to further proceed. Should you continue on and eventually escalate, or discontinue to avoid being creepy? Charisma includes:
Charismatic men draw in those around with an electric magnetism. They ooze confidence and leadership. Notable examples include:
5. COMPOSURE Composure blends with challenge somewhat (we'll get to challenge in a bit). For example, when you control your emotions and don’t profess your feelings for her after two dates, it creates challenge, because she doesn’t know where she stands. But composure is also controlling your temper and bad habits, which is not directly related to challenge. Composure includes:
When a social interaction gets weird and you stay calm, that's composure. When a classless woman, or a woman with low interest says nasty things and you ignore her, that's composure. When you control your nervousness and come across as relaxed, that's composure. Composure is also avoiding excessive drinking or drug use, or anything else that hinders your ability to lead a successful life. Composure = not doing stupid things. To a woman’s subconscious = feelings of security and not worrying about being harmed by their mate. To her reptilian brain = greater chance of survival. Never, ever, underestimate the power of challenge and it’s effect on a woman’s actions. Challenge is the magical emotional pull of the dating universe. It works with all women that have genuine interest in you. It is the most powerful feelings creator and the biggest disconnect from reality, hence the massive amounts of confused people out there. Examples include:
When you set boundaries and don't rush foolheartedly into a new courtship, it allows her to wonder about you and how you feel about her. Women love to chase, but most men just never give them a chance. When you can control yourself even though you like her, it pushes the right primal buttons. Think of it like the predator/prey response- If one animal runs from another in the wild, does it register as prey or predator to the other? Now think of the concept in terms of dating. Which comes off as stronger, more worthy, more appealing, a man relentlessly pursuing, or the one that's not. Which one would register as strength, and which one weakness? If you can grasp the above statement, you're a hell of a lot closer to understanding women! This is the point where I get the same misconstrued pushback each time, so let's address it logically. Popular denial statement #1: "That's playing games and playing games is stupid!" At this point I could get deep into the semantics of "game playing," from the fact that we all like to play games in nearly every other aspect of our lives, to the reality that our subconscious most definitely plays games. But for the overly righteous individuals, with their hearts on their sleeves, I say, what's wrong with just taking it slow? (still waiting for an answer after 2 years of asking) Popular denial statement #2: "Only immature girls fall for that shit." Nope. Not just immature girls, although they might fall for it more frequently and harder. Mature women will appreciate the fact that you're not coming off as an overly needy emotional tampon. Let's move on for now. Challenge = perception of value (we want what we can’t have). To a woman’s subconscious = feelings of security. To her reptilian brain = greater chance of survival. 6. STATUS
Women put themselves around men of status.
Status traits include:
Who's going to have more status, the freshman or the senior? The star football player or the awkward geek. The supervisor or the employee? The bartender or the waiter? The lawyer or the janitor? I think, much like confidence, the significance of this trait isn't too hard to grasp for most individuals, unless you've been living under a rock! What about the "loser" stoner guy with the super hot girlfriend? Remember, there's 6 other strength qualities- It's the sum total. Not just one. Furthermore, some strength qualities are more influential and at different stages of the relationship. Initial Attraction Phase (meeting to start dating): Status, Confidence, Charisma Probationary Period (first two months of dating): Composure Long Term (beyond two months): Composure, Ambition, Self-Esteem The more ambition a man has, usually correlates to how much status he has. 7. SELF ESTEEM Self-esteem differs from confidence. A person can be confident in certain abilities and then deep down have tons of issues (think rockstars, comedians, actors, etc.) Men with high self-esteem bounce back quickly when they fail. When you have high self-esteem, you don't care if a woman rejects you, because you know another adventure could present itself at any moment. It's about being comfortable in your own skin. Self-Esteem is a long term trait, with each of the other 6 traits adding up to make it better. Self-Esteem: Sense of worth. To a woman’s subconscious: feelings of security. To her reptilian brain: greater chance of survival. THE TAKEAWAY It's a scientific fact that deep down women seek security, for themselves and their offspring (even if they consciously decide not to have children). This feeling of security bubbles up as romantic attraction and compels them to choose certain men over others. It's been this way for millions and millions of years, if not longer, and hopefully isn't going anywhere anytime soon, as losing our survival instincts doesn't sound very beneficial, right? Deep down it's amazingly simple. You exhibit these inner strengths and have sparked her intrigue, her interest level goes up. The more of them you have, the higher her interest. The more you lack them, the lower her interest. Consider the 7 qualities above a summation of your overall inner worthiness as a mate. Sure, nearly everyone can agree that confidence is important, and status, and even charisma, but composure is the secret sauce that most men are missing with romance and love! Prefered Man Community Email/Sign up includes:
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